Last Week: 1-4, Season: 3-7
Okay, I am sorry. To Klepp, to Matt Patricia, to Barry Sanders, to the exact pantone of blue that the lions wear, and to the great city of Detroit. I underestimated you for the second week in a row and got bit on my ass because of it. I am taking a leave of absence from betting against the undefeated Detroit Lions.
After a week full of heartbreak, deceit, and worst of all, Jarrett Stidham’s noodle arm, let’s try to get back on track.
New England (-7) at Buffalo
My take-it-to-the-bank-and-buy-a-yacht lock of the week. This has to be the most egregious line so far this year. I understand Buffalo is 3-0, but who did those wins come against? The answer: the Jets, the Giants, and the Bengals. Yeesh. New England does not mess around during division games, as Tom Brady and company usually come out swinging. The Pats have won 5 straight against the Bills, winning by double digits each time. The last time the Bills covered against Bill Belichick? October 2, 2016, when the #1 song in the country was Closer by the Chainsmokers. Yeah, it’s been that long. Don’t expect Josh Allen and Frank Gore to be able to keep up with the dynamic Patriots offense.
Seattle (-5.5) at Arizona
I am furious with how the Seahawks played last week, as they laid a dud on their home turf. However, this squad is now hungry and playing against a bottom five team in the league. Arizona’s offensive line is abysmal, so I see the Seahawks coming away with Kyler Murray’s baby-sized helmet on more than a few occasions. Mix that in with Seattle’s veteran secondary, and it becomes hard to see the Cardinals putting up more than 13 points in this one. Give me Russell Wilson for 3 easy touchdowns and the cover here.
Carolina at Houston (-4)
There are very few things in this life that give me more stress than betting on Bill O’Brien’s butt-chin but here we are. I am laying the points in this one and trusting the Houston defense at home. I think that the public is overvaluing an awful Cardinals team, which makes Kyle Allen and the Panthers look somewhat decent. Playing in Houston will be a completely different story, however. Expect Houston’s defense to play well at home like they always do, and find comfort in the fact that Carolina’s shaky secondary will not be able to withstand the air raid of the Texans. Load up on Houston. Yeehaw!
Cleveland at Baltimore (under 45)
Would you like to see a visual representation of the Browns’ offense through three weeks?
Cleveland’s circus of an offensive line comes into a tough environment in Baltimore and I couldn’t love the under more. As spectacular as Lamar Jackson has been this season, I don’t see the Browns defense giving up big plays to the MVP contender this one. I expect this game to be a classic AFC North grind-it-out battle with slow drives and lots of turnovers. Ride the under and watch Baker go down faster than Antonio Brown’s future in football.
Tennessee (+4) at Atlanta
My beloved Tennessee Titans didn’t exactly inspire in last week’s electric Thursday Night Football game. Nevertheless, when has Dan Quinn ever inspired anyone? This might as well be called the Hot Mess Bowl presented by Top Ramen because these teams both have very evident issues. However, in Mike “I would cut off my [REDACTED] to win a Super Bowl” Vrabel’s short term as head coach, he has always drawn up a solid gameplan following an offensive shortcoming. Additionally, Atlanta has one of the worst red-zone offenses to compete with Tennessee’s solid red-zone defense. I think this game will be within a field goal in the last two minutes while both teams try to shoot themselves in the leg. Maybe even Plaxico Burress will make an apperaence!
Will I try to grow out a mustache this weekend to look more like America’s hero Gardner Minshew? (Yes -150)