Hello, fellow plebeians. The wins pool league is back, and there’s more at stake than ever before. After what was very much a civil competition in 2017, the league commissioner was attacked on charges of mathematical fraud right before the 2018 draft.
Thou shalt not fret, because he beat the case.
Thus, the 2018 season begins. The horses have been picked. Let’s take a look at each squad and project how they’ll fare this season.
Chris “Stoph” “Young Dolph” Sarkisian
Stable: Steelers, Titans, Cowboys, Cardinals
Stoph had the 1st, 16th, 17th, and 32nd picks in the draft. Drafting the Steelers first was somewhat a surprise selection, but they figure to be one of the top teams in the AFC again in 2018. When the draft came around again however is where Chris will either win or lose the league in 2018. He drafted the Titans and Cowboys, two teams with high ceilings and low floors. The Titans figure to be a good team this season, but Mariota has yet to really break through as a franchise QB and there could be speed bumps with first year HC Mike Vrabel. In Dallas is where I see the most potential for a disaster season, with injuries along the o-line, no good receivers, and a poor defense. When it comes to the Cardinals, they were the last pick in the draft. Stoph will hope that Sam Bradford can win a few games before he inevitably gets injured, and that Chosen Rosen stays upright behind the piecemeal offensive line.
Leigh “John Gooch” Murray
Stable: Patriots, 49ers, Ravens, Buccaneers
Leigh had the 2nd, 15th, 17th, and 31st picks in the draft. He capitalized on Stoph taking the Steelers one and snagged the Patriots, the most consistent winner of the past two decades. However with the Patriots having more roster holes than ever, he will have to rely on the wizardry of Belichick and Brady once more. Leigh then picked the upstart 49ers who he has winning the NFC West in 2018. The Ravens add some stability to his stable, Flacco and company should be able to snag at least 8 wins in 2018. On the back half, Leigh snagged the Yucs, who are without Winston for the first 3 games on the year. They are a team who do not project to have a great year, but with some offensive talent they have potential to win up to 6 games this season, more than enough for the second last pick of the draft.
John “Banners” Danner
Stable: Packers, Panthers, Broncos, Dolphins
Danner started his draft out strong at #3 with the Green Bay Packers, but failed to add depth to his stable with his remaining three picks at 14, 18, and 30. The Panthers, Broncos, and Dolphins all project to have losing records according to the league commissioner’s office. The Panthers are simply overrated with bad looking lines on both sides of the ball, and play in a tough division. The Broncos are rolling with Case Keenum, and while that is an upgrade over last year this team will struggle to win more than 7 games in 2018. The ‘Phins are one of the most directionless franchises in the NFL. Just two years removed from a playoff appearance under Adam Gase, this team has made no steps forward since.
Adam “TwoDelo” “Ring” “#IYKYN” Klepp
Stable: Saints, Seahawks, Redskins, Jets
Klepp was smack dab in the middle of the draft order at 4, 13, 19, and 29. His stable projects to be one of the best in the league, with all four teams projecting to have winning seasons according to the commissioner’s office. The Saints are the Super Bowl pick, while it’s also believed the Seahawks will surprise and win the NFC West this year. His season perhaps rides on the Redskins and Jets, two teams that have wild card playoff berth potential. Once more this seems like the team to beat, as Klepp practically went wire to wire as last years winner.
Hutton “Simple Math” Baker
Stable: Rams, Vikings, Colts, Bengals
After firing shots at the league office during the annual Owners meeting in Orlando, Hutton looks to redeem himself in the 2018 season. At picks 5, 12, 20, and 28, Hutton snagged the Rams, Vikings, Colts, and Bengals. This looks like a stable ready to compete for a banner. While the league office projects a down year for the Rams, it’s likely that they also pick up right where they left off in 2017. The Vikings are one of the most talented teams in the NFL, and the Colts and Bengals could have competitive years.
Tommy “PhilisTine” Murray
Stable: Falcons, Chargers, Giants, Bears
Tommy made the most of his later picks, snagging some top flight talent at 6, 11, 21, and 27. Also advantageous for the philosopher was the Khalil Mack trade that went down, boosting the stock in Da Bears. The Giants are not held favorably in the eyes of the commissioner, however there is more than potential for a successful season in the big apple. The Falcons and Chargers will be Lombardi contenders this season. Once again, Tommy looks to be at the top of the weekly charts come the season.
Conor “Copenhagen” Ryan
Stable: Eagles, Texans, Lions, Raiders
Ryan snagged the defending NFL Champs at pick 7. at picks 10, 21, and 24 he rounded out his squad with some teams that will definitely be competitive in 2018. The Texans are the wild card, as Ryan went against conservative roots when he picked them over more consistent performers. The Raiders and Lions are two teams with high price quarterbacks and not great rosters surrounding them. It’s possible Ryan hits it big and his last two picks can turn in winning seasons for their squads. Copenhagen’s stable will live or die in the 4th quarter.
John “Chowder Me” “I was up until 7AM” Dolan
Stable: Jaguars, Chiefs, Browns, Bills
With the infamous ‘Hutton’ 8/9-slot in the draft, Dolan drafted Jaguars and Chiefs, two teams who have more than a chance to win their respective divisions. With that being said, the QB situations are not stable, and this goes across the board with all of Dolan’s teams. When the draft came back around however, Chowder did himself no favors by taking AFC doormats in the Browns and Bills. Buffalo just announced that Peterman is starting week one, and the commissioner is announcing that this stable’s season is over before it begins. Perhaps Dolan was flustered by Conor drafting the Lions right before him.
Projected League Rankings